Man, grief is weird and hard. It is filled with twists and turns. Grief does not progress in a neat and tidy order. It is chaotic and certainly very unpredictable. It can make you feel all alone when you’re in a room full of people. Even a room full of friends. It’s a complicated, emotional journey. One of the strangest things I began to experience after Mallory died was anxiety. No one told me I would feel nervous and anxious pretty much all the time. Sometimes it was for a reason other than just loss that I could identify, but many times I just felt a generalized anxiety for which I could not pinpoint any external cause. Along with that anxiety came sleeplessness. It was tough to fall asleep and tough to stay asleep and I began to wake up every day around the time of day Mallory died. Being tired often made the anxiety and grief worse! What a vicious circle. Thankfully, I discovered a few activities that helped me cope. I started running and hoop dancing and gardening (special thanks to Kelly Truby and Kim Ray and Sadie Nuffer) all of which helped my anxiety a great deal. They were outlets for the big emotions I could not control.